article written by Nathan Primeau
How do you continue to find inspiration with little extra time in your days? Honestly, it’s been hard for me. I have two days a week to really dive into anything I want, hobby or art. Sure I’ve got time before or after a shift at work, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t spent cleaning, taking care of my pets, or sitting on my couch thinking about how tired I am.
School is over and I’ve landed a full time job to pay for things now that OSAp wants to take money instead. I can’t help but think about the fact that 40 to 44 hours of every single week that I push through are spent in a store with a broken AC. If I spend even one of my two days off just relaxing, catching up on movies, books, or video games I missed in the past five years, I feel guilty. If I haven’t spent the entire day working on my magnum opus, am I even living my life to its fullest?
I feel empty. My job is nowhere near being in the field I studied and my fear of racking up even more bills has me terrified of pursuing an MFA anytime soon. I have no idea if I’m heading in the right direction and that terrifies me. I started school late and lots of my peers are at the same point and younger, or they’re my age and further along.
The reality is, we have to do what we can to survive. Working a job that’s not in my field isn’t ideal, but it pays the bills and I’m lucky to have something that gives me full time hours. Even if I spend a little bit of time one day a week on my art, that’s progress. I spent five years working on school, putting the things I like to do aside, it’s okay to spend a little bit of time every week to indulge myself.
I definitely still have goals for my writing, and it is important to have those, but things take time. I look forward to eventually evening everything out, but for now I’ll take the opportunity to spoil myself. For now I won’t beat myself up for spending time with those I love or appreciating the art made by others.